Care to Compare?

Many people in my life that have been dropping off social media or using it less and less because in one way or another they feel bad about something their lives, watching others seemingly “flawless” lives unfold. To be honest every time I hear this my first thought is, WHAT?!?!?! You don’t really believe that do you? 

All I can think is, you realize that’s like rolling out of bed, morning breath, hair a mess, shamelessly dressed and  turning on the TV, to see a model at a red carpet event looking flawless and thinking, "that’s it I will never be as pretty as her today SO...I am just going to go back to bed," right? Those are totally different things, as different as the FB snippets of ones life and then their reality. As different as your life and their life, as different as what God has prepared you for and what He prepared them for. What an unfair comparison you make of yourselves! Why torment yourself like that?

My second thought is that I find it terribly sad that we have this positive opportunity right at our fingers tips to be connected to so many wonderful people in our lives on the daily and to use those interactions for good but instead we let it affect us negatively and on the contrary let it DISconnect us. I have even heard friends applaud one another for leaving social media and while I love the idea of people recognizing how something makes them feel and commend them trying to put up a healthy boundary to protect themselves I don’t think this solves anything. We have to ask ourselves are we rewarding avoidance?  

I think there is something much bigger going on here. 

In our society it is easy to personalize our exposure to every little detail of our daily lives, we can choose how we spend almost every moment of our lives and avoid almost anything we don’t want to do. I fear it’s in this avoidance many lessons are lost, in doing so we are missing out on a lot of the personal growth that simply comes from getting through things rather than getting around things. No one is to blame, it’s just human nature, having SO many choices we generally choose the path of least resistance. I think in this case writing off connecting with people via these internet sources is a good example of that. I think shutting the world out whether it be virtually or not, is an “all or nothing approach” to a bigger problem. A reaction, that albeit at times is probably the healthiest, yet long term will not solve a thing. Imagine the same reaction if it were not an emotional trigger but rather a physical problem, it would be the equivalent reaction of “my knee hurts, so I am just never going to walk or run again’, rather than finding out why it hurts and then modifying your routine from there. Is easy to see the flaw in that plan. Isn't this the same type of temporary fix?

I know social media is not the truest form of communication and not a necessity in life but facing your feelings and working through them is! So I urge you, in this instance and in all others, when something makes you uncomfortable rather than just avoid it maybe see it as a chance to face the problem and not just change the circumstance. That being said, if you stop to question yourself and still come to the conclusion it is the other person or people that are the problem then by all means cut ties. However if you feel bad about something while on social media or talking to someone else,  do some furthering questioning of yourself. I think you will find the root of the problem is not social media or what another is saying, it’s your perception of another’s presentation and the comparison of that false vision to your truths. I will say that again, people potray a false vision, it is unfair to compare that to your truths. It's inevitable no matter how hard we try to be transparent there are parts of us only God and we know about ourselves. You can't fairly compare those parts of you to another, nor were you ever intended to. 

While I don’t think many people are intentionally trying not to be genuine and hiding their lows I do think you have to view what they share understanding those are their highs. Social media is just a perfect disaster of all of these false perceptions on parade in one easy to find place. It’s all in good spirits that people focus on the positive and not the negative, then you have some who aren't even aware they are faking it until they make it, then you have some that are just plain fake, but I choose to believe the large majority of it is people purposefully focusing on the positive and leaving out the negative. Don’t view that purposeful portrayal as their absolutes or as a way to put yourself down. 

I know, I for one try to keep it positive for those that read my posts but trust me, and I think this is true for everyone, for every cute kid declaration, successful day, or thankful moment there are twelve woo-sah mommy moments, failed days and cranky ungrateful thoughts that go unshared. I always thought that everyone knew that and it was a given and I assume that about all who I follow but if people are unfairly comparing themselves to one another like I keep hearing I want to make sure that is clear. I suck, you suck, we all suck, at being perfect! It doesn’t exist! 

Ever the optimist though I do think there is a plus side to having the comparison blues.  Choose to take advantage of the uncomfortable. Facing it. You do have the opportunity to sit back and think, why does this person’s post bother me? Does it bother me enough that I think they are toxic in my life? If so, should I confront them or get rid of them? Conversely, why do I like hearing what this person has to say? What could I stand to learn from so and so? How can I be more like the person I admire? Less like the person I don’t? Why does this person make me feel bad about myself? How can I build this person up today? How can I use this outlet to let someone know I was thinking about them today? There is an opportunity to grow in every circumstance.

I truly believe that, on the computer and off of the computer, if there was more self reflection there would be less projection towards others. Projection of our own insecurities and judgment of others based on those feelings are two major things that I think can damage relationships beyond repair. Now, those are two things I believe should be avoided at all costs! Social media, on the other hand I say, take it for what it adds to your life and forget the rest. 

Life’s too short to be so cruel to yourself.